
After being ridiculed in front of my entire teacher education cohort for using my male name, today I stood up for myself by addressing my class. The night before, when everyone else was writing their philosophies of education and e-folio reflections, I was preparing my speech and being plagued by ‘what ifs.’ What if a student interrupts me during my speech to ridicule me again? What if my speech is met with silence and awkwardness? What if everyone hates me afterwards? What if this just fuels more gossip? But I had to do it, because doing nothing would imply that what happened was acceptable.
I was given the floor as soon as class started. This is what I said:
When my mom was pregnant with me, she made a list of names she would give me if I was a boy and a list of names she would give me if I was a girl. James was the name she chose for me if the doctor decided I was a boy. But the doctor didn’t decide I was a boy; he decided I was a girl. So I was given the name ***.
I started using the name James and identifying as male privately, with people I trusted, back in 2005. Over the past 5 years, I’ve increasingly come out more publicly as James at times when I felt safe doing so.
You’ve all known me since September. You may have noticed that in our Math class, I used a James nameplate. In our gym class, I refused to square dance in the ‘female role.’ Perhaps you noticed that I don’t shave my legs or my armpits. And that I have a boyish haircut. I pretty loudly expressed my annoyance with having to choose either male or female on course evaluation forms. And every day, I have worn men’s clothing to school. And we all did a two-week case study on transgender issues.
After all this time, I felt like this class knew me well enough, and understood trans issues well enough, that you would still treat me with respect if I was James. I want people to respect that ‘James’ is a significant part of my identity, one that makes me happier. I actually don’t care if you call me James or (my female name), because frankly, right now, I am both. I just expect a basic level of respect as a human being, even though my identity doesn’t fit neatly into this box or that box. That said, being called James is great and please feel free to call me that. Thank you to everyone who has just rolled with all of this, even though this stuff might be new to you. Hopefully this clears things up for people who may have been confused. But if you are still having a hard time with this, then I hope you will talk about it with an instructor. They’ve said they would be happy to talk to any of you about it. Thank you.
There was silence for a single second after I spoke that felt like forever. Then someone shouted a “Woo!” of support and started clapping and before I knew it, the whole class joined in. The three students who had taken issue with my male name all year looked pale and shocked, but clapped like everyone else. The person next to me whispered, “Good job.” A small package was secretly handed along a row of students and given to me. It contained a pen and a keychain customized with the name ‘James.’ I smiled at the student who it was from and gulped. I didn’t expect any of this.
Since then, many students have privately expressed that they were proud of me or thought I was brave. And everyone not only calls me James, but uses my name quite liberally. “Hi James.” How are you, James?” “Here you go, James.” “Excuse me, James.” “Sorry, James.” “Do you have a partner, James?” While a bit excessive, it’s everyone’s way of being supportive and it makes me smile.
The student who ridiculed me never acknowledged what happened or apologized. But I ran into one of her friends in the bathroom, one of the students who had trouble accepting my male name throughout the year. I was washing my hands when she walked in. She stopped, lightly touched my shoulder, and said “Thank you.” It was sincere. There was actually pain in her eyes. She was having a hard time choosing words. “It’s hard,” she said. “But that was brave.” With a moment of regained composure, she said, “Atta girl!” And then embarrassment. Wrong word choice. “BOY,” she self corrected. “Thank you,” I said. The awkwardness called for a change in subject. “It’s so hard to find a clean one,” she said of the stalls. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that regularly, in this bathroom in particular.” I said. She disappeared into a stall and I left, surprised once more.
Filed under: Gender, Queer Activism, Teacher Education Program | Tagged: student teacher, transgender | 3 Comments »








