Today we learned how to teach dance to elementary school students as part of the physical education curriculum. We started out with the hokey pokey, which happens to be one of my many gifts. I never confuse my left hand with my right hand, and I can shake it all about with the best of them. No problems there.
The problem came when we had to partner up for the circle dance. I chose Andrew* because he was standing closest to me when we had to grab a partner. The teacher started giving instructions for what the boys should do and what the girls should do, and I started to panic because I wasn’t sure which instructions I should memorize. Girls’ hands on the top, boys’ hands on the bottom. Girls on the right, boys on the left. Girls on the inside of the circle, boys on the outside of the circle.
I blurted out to Andrew that I was going to be the boy. If my partner was a guy, there was no way I was going to play the girl. Andrew wasn’t about to argue, but he clearly didn’t want to be the girl, either. He was the only boy on the inside of the circle and people were looking at us. He glanced around nervously. I puffed out my chest because I had totally won that test of male dominance. We did the circle dance and ended up repeatedly changing partners. I wondered if the other girls felt funny dancing with a tranny boy dyke.
Then we did some square dancing. The teacher partnered up 4 pairs of boys and girls for the demonstration and I was terrified he was going to pick me to be a girl in front of the whole class. He didn’t, thank God. When he played the music, the caller kept instructing the boys to “swing their lady” and promenade with their “honey.” I was starting to feel really weird participating in this performance of heteronormativity. I was getting distracted and messing up the dance steps, repeatedly screwing up the whole group. Then I felt even more flustered. So I made a joke about how we could make a hip hop version: “swing yo’ bitch to the left, dosee-doe around yer ho!” I mean, would that really be *that* different?
After class it was time to go to the change room. I reluctantly went to the girls’ change room. Sometimes I use the boys’ change room, if I show up before everyone else. But I didn’t want to take my shirt off in front of the other boys. In the girls change room, I wondered if they thought I was looking at them when they undressed. No matter what change room I’m in, I feel out of place.
While I was changing, I mentioned to some of the girls that dance doesn’t have to be so gendered and hetero. Instead of having boy-girl partnerships and roles, why can’t there just be a leader and a follower? Why couldn’t the teacher pick songs that don’t require women to be some man’s “sweetie.” I’m thinking about suggesting that to the teacher, but I don’t want him to think I’m being difficult. Stuff like this happens all the time, and if I complain each time, I’m worried everyone will hate me.
*Names have been changed for privacy.
Filed under: Teacher Education Program Tagged: | class, dance, phys. ed.
Don’t “complain”, but do provide a “suggestion”. It’s not just about making you comfortable in your teacher ed class, it’s also about helping the other teachers avoid enforcing artificial gender stereotypes. There’s no reason that activity can’t be more gender-neutral, especially among elementary school students. As long as you approach the issue from the perspective of concern for your future students rather than bitching about how you’re so hard done by, I can’t see it being a problem. Note that I think you are entirely within your rights to bitch about it, but I understand your desire to not be hated and I think this other approach would probably be more effective anyway.
Furthermore, I don’t think it’s entirely appropriate for elementary school kids to be forced into the roles of “sweeties”. I mean, even now I would feel awkward if I were paired up with a peer with whom I’m not romantically involved and we had to play at being “sweeties”. Can’t dancing just be a fun, totally platonic activity that friends or acquaintances can enjoy together?
It’s annoying how sexism is just forced down our throats at such a young age. I always wonder why we choose to teach kids the same shitty songs and habits that we had to sit through. Why not be a bit inventive and try something that isn’t so reliant on gender role. You don’t need a penis to do a fucking dance role… ugh.
I absolutely think this is a valid point to bring up. You might be the first person to bring it up at this particular school but you certainly won’t be the last person affected by it. There will always be kids who float the gender lines, and it’s nice to let kids know that their gender shouldn’t limit them in most areas of their life.
Note that there are MANY gay dance clubs. In square dance clubs you can choose whichever role you want. Those designated to do the “girl’s” part wear beads to help identify who’s who. Our gay contra club uses armbands; callers refer to the parties as “lead” and “follow” or “armbands” and “barearms”. At my regular straight club it’s OK for anybody who wants to dance the other part and guest callers are asked to leave out the sexist language. So what you’re experiencing is very very unfortunate, but there are big enthusiastic corners of the square and contra dance world which don’t have this problem.